#30 Finishing What I Started

white teddy bear reading book
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Right before our dogs started getting sick, I was getting sick of writing this blog. I was hoping to reach out and let other girls know if they are going through the same troubles I had been through there is hope, but no one was “liking”, “following” or “sharing” my blog, which is the story of my life.  But God has let me know I must soldier on, and so I will.  I left off last in 11th grade and 12th grade was more of the same, except slightly different.  I was still drinking, on my way to becoming an alcoholic, but I met two girls whom I will call Serena & Krystal…we became party buddies, I was not messing around with any guys, just hanging around with these two girls, which, in my opinion, was much better than my 11th grade shenanigans! Still drinking and taking drugs, but no boys!  Amen for progress, if that’s what you call it, right?  So I just spent my final year in high school drinking, taking some drugs and hanging out with these two and that was pretty much my 12th grade year!  My parents had divorced but my home life was not much better, my mother was now frustrated that she was alone with two children and began screaming and yelling all the time. But that is what I had booze and pills for, right?  LOL!!

So I graduated from high school with mediocre grades, not much guidance or thought for my future.  When your daily life is a struggle it is hard to look into the future.  My parents took it upon themselves to register me for junior college…I don’t know how they did that without my permission, but things were much different back then.  At first, I was mad but then thought, what the heck. Now, I h have previously left out that in the 11th grade I started having what the Navy doctors said were bladder infections.  They would give me meds, it would not go away, I would go back, get more medicine, would not go away. This went on for YEARS.  Sometimes the pain was SO bad I could only sit on my knees in bed and rock back and forth.  I have anger towards my parents that they did not speak up, find out WHY I wasn’t getting better and spending the money on taking me to an outside doctor.  Like I said, this started in the 11th grade and the truth would not be found out until about 4 years later when I got married, was on my husband’s insurance and went to the hospital.  So though I wanted to follow through with college I was in pain so much of the time and failing algebra I dropped out.  When I took the entrance exams, those fill in the dots, I passed algebra with flying colors, but I told the administrators that I had guessed at the answers and that I would fail college algebra.  They advised me there was nothing they could do because I had passed and must take college algebra.  I was also taking English, typing and, I believe public speaking and I was making A’s in all of my classes except Algebra as expected (by me).  With my pain increasing daily and my mother a mess, I just had no desire to continue, so, unfortunately, I dropped out of college. It is one of my biggest regrets.  I wish I could have gotten the medical treatment I really needed and continued on, but it was not meant to be.  I know that God has a plan for all of us and can even use my failures to minister to others and that is what I am trying to do!  I love you Jesus and know I fail you daily but I know you still love me anyway!




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